Reparenting My Inner Writer
As I have worked on one particular chapter in the novel I'm trying to write, I have made some surprising discoveries about myself.
One reason the writing was not coming across as "real" enough was that I was not letting myself use my own inner thoughts. I was hot on detail, description, atmosphere, and dialogue, but not much about the inner life of my Julie.
The writing was also making me very very anxious.
And suddenly, I had a big-time AH HA experience. It may sound obvious/easy, but for it to really hit home was a first for me. I realized how tragically little mothering my character Julie had. I also saw how her low self-esteem reflected some of mine. (This process has taken months.)
So I hit on the idea that I needed to with great creativity and love and passion try to remother/reparent this part of me who is so afraid of her own validity, anger, ideas, and successes. I haven't quite figured out how to do this, but the answer is in there somewhere boiling away. I've found myself looking at my hands and face with more compassion and respect. Rather disconcerting- like just getting to know me in a new way.
So, through fighting (it seems almost literally), to write about painful topics in a way that will be interesting for a reader, I have discovered things about myself I didn't know as well as writing a better chapter.
I am much more aware that I don't yet know how good my writing can become. The work I'm doing keeps getting deeper and in many cases better. So.......?
Claire, feeling battered but totally determined to finish this blasted/wonderful novel-process.
PS I hope this "blogs" ok. My first time doing this.
One reason the writing was not coming across as "real" enough was that I was not letting myself use my own inner thoughts. I was hot on detail, description, atmosphere, and dialogue, but not much about the inner life of my Julie.
The writing was also making me very very anxious.
And suddenly, I had a big-time AH HA experience. It may sound obvious/easy, but for it to really hit home was a first for me. I realized how tragically little mothering my character Julie had. I also saw how her low self-esteem reflected some of mine. (This process has taken months.)
So I hit on the idea that I needed to with great creativity and love and passion try to remother/reparent this part of me who is so afraid of her own validity, anger, ideas, and successes. I haven't quite figured out how to do this, but the answer is in there somewhere boiling away. I've found myself looking at my hands and face with more compassion and respect. Rather disconcerting- like just getting to know me in a new way.
So, through fighting (it seems almost literally), to write about painful topics in a way that will be interesting for a reader, I have discovered things about myself I didn't know as well as writing a better chapter.
I am much more aware that I don't yet know how good my writing can become. The work I'm doing keeps getting deeper and in many cases better. So.......?
Claire, feeling battered but totally determined to finish this blasted/wonderful novel-process.
PS I hope this "blogs" ok. My first time doing this.
posted by claireHolcomb at
8/06/2005 10:18:00 PM
1 Comments:
Interesting. That's kinda similar to why there is no compassion in my writing. One can argue whether or not I've had a hard life, but it's been hard enough for me, and in life, I have no time for people who sit on their hands or don't accept the consequences of their choices. And so in my writing. I've made a small start recently on a work of fiction, and it's turning out really harsh and abrasive. But unlike you, I don't want to change the part of me that's causing me to do that. I just need to write life as I've seen it, not as I would have wanted it to be.
Good speed on your voyage of self-discovery.
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HawkOwl, At
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