My Muse Lies Somewhere Buried

by Amy Totino

My muse lies
somewhere buried
underneath the rubble
of daily life.

She waits
for me
to unearth her –
to move the stacks of bills,
the clutter on the counter,
the piles of laundry,
the permission slips
to be signed,
cookies to be baked,
papers to be graded;

My muse lies
somewhere bleeding:
Waiting for me to heal her
from the paper cut off
of the grocery list,
from the sharp glass incision
of past insults,
from the slice
of the knife
called “I’m not good enough.”

My muse lies
somewhere dormant,
underneath the day to day
and lifetime of debris.

But she is still there,
waiting
for the moment
when I digging down
and she clawing upwards
will meet one another
in the sunshine and fresh air.

"Nothing's either good or bad but thinking makes it so." - William Shakespeare

So tell your Inner Critic to put that in his pipe and smoke it when next she tries to stop you from following the passion of your creativity!

Creativity is a labyrinthine journey that takes us deeper and deeper into our self. With every twist, turn and seeming two (three and four!) steps backward for every step forward, we learn more, let go more, fear, love, cry and dance for joy. Creativity is a journey into the dark and it must be. Why? Because as creators, we are manifesting the unmanifested.

Where is the unmanifested found?

Where are seeds found?
What gives birth to dawn?
From where does the butterfly emerge?
What is the warm, encompasing darkness that gives birth to every living thing?

The answers are all around us.

Creativity is BIG STUFF! Don't underestimate the power of the journey! And if you feel at times, and we all do, that you're not up to the task, think of this: if you don't risk the journey, you risk even more.

AN ANSWER TO THE INNER CRITIC

“NO JUDGMENT”

Everything in life holds both a blessing and a curse. We deny this when we label the events of our lives as either good or bad. The following old Zen story illustrates this lesson most effectively.

A farmer had a horse but one day, the horse ran away and so the farmer and his son had to plow their fields themselves. Their neighbors said, "Oh, what bad luck that your horse ran away!" But the farmer replied, "Bad luck, good luck, who knows?"

The next week, the horse returned to the farm, bringing a herd of wild horses with him. "What wonderful luck!" cried the neighbors, but the farmer responded, "Good luck, bad luck, who knows?"

Then, the farmer's son was thrown as he tried to ride one of the wild horses, and he broke his leg. "Ah, such bad luck," sympathized the neighbors. Once again, the farmer responded, "Bad luck, good luck, who knows?"

A short time later, the ruler of the country recruited all young men to join his army for battle. The son, with his broken leg, was left at home. "What good luck that your son was not forced into battle!" celebrated the neighbors. And the farmer remarked, "Good luck, bad luck, who knows?"

“Nothing’s either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”
~ William Shakespeare

If Creativity has an end point, this is it!

Love After Love
by Derek Walcott


The time will come, when,
with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door,
in your own mirror.
And each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, “Sit here, Eat. Relax.”
You will love again this stranger who is your Self.
Give wine. Give bread.
Give back your heart,
to itself,
to this stranger who has loved you
all your life.
whom you ignored for another,
but who knows you by heart.

Being the Rose

Fall into the beauty
of a rose
and know yourself.
If you cannot
love
yourself
you will not
be the rose.


We walk half asleep, experiencing only a small part of our creative passion, insight and being. Our vision is by the eyes of the mind, which are cast outwards. Creativity, however, is birthed in the cosmic landscape of the inner world, a place to which the mind's eyes are blind, a place belonging to the vision of the heart and soul. The question is, how do we awaken to the immensity of knowing contained within.

One way is through nature. Nature, fully noticed, and entered into with the wonderment of children, gains us admittance into the unseen world. Another way is through our writing or other creative endeavors, but this has limitations. First, this entry is often sporadic. Second, our creativity tends to disappear as soon as we put aside our creative endeavor. Nature, on the other hand, is a natural guide. She is a primal image for creativity, so majestic that even the Inner Critic dares not challenge her! She infuses us in unseen ways. Often by being one with nature, the inner world embraces both our creative efforts and our daily life while shifting our perception of our place in the world.

In thinking about this, I came up with an exercise that I call Being the Rose. I chose the word being with great deliberation... Think about it... how being the rose differs from the image and feel of becoming...observing...considering the Rose.

This exercise also explains my choice of Costa Rica as a site for this year's retreat: Writing, Creativity and Ritual, A Retreat for Women. The Samasati Retreat Center and nearby rainforest and ocean offer us an unparalleled opportunity to embrace and be embraced by Nature in her most alluring state, offer us the unparalleled opportunity to feel, without conscious thought, her vibrant creativity that flows through us like the breath of life, and to make it our own.

There is more to work and play in Costa Rica, but the above poem, Being the Rose, describes its essence that will vibrate within us long after we leave.

Being the Rose: the Exercise...